Brian Scolaro was born in a log cabin in Eggplant, West Virginia in 1876. And was visited during the night by Three Shephards. They beat the shit out of him for six hours. His mother was a ghost pimp and his father was a washing machine. Brian went to High school in the Philipines, where he spent four years learning to become an asshole. He received notoriety when he discovered a cure for “sight” by poking people in the eyes. Brian was killed by a large bear when he was sixteen, but he did not let that stop his acting dreams. He moved to Hollywood in 1872 and now sells garbage under a bridge.